Although it is a symbol of destruction, war also contributes to the formation of human relationships. On the occasion of the four-year anniversary of the Russian invasion of Ukraine this Tuesday, FRANCE 24 interviewed Marima Komeda, the Ukrainian author of the book “Love in Wartime” (published by Loeb 2025). In particular, the book shows how war contributes to the formation of love and solidarity among Ukrainians.

Published on: 02/24/2026 - 06:55

How can one love amidst the uncertainties of war? This question with multiple answers was the focus of Marina Komeda’s book “Love in Wartime” (Loeb Publishing 2025). This Ukrainian writer, born in Sumy, traveled throughout the country, from Izium through Kharkiv and Kiev to Slovyansk and Lviv, to conduct interviews and report on how Ukrainians experience love in this difficult period.

Komeda saw different types of love: patriotism, male and female brotherhood between male and female soldiers in the same unit, and even the love of mothers who joined defense groups against Russian drones so that their children would never have to bear arms to defend Ukraine. Marina Komeda, 41, also decided to join the Ukrainian army after writing her book.

On the other hand, the war also caused several divorces and separations. After a “major surge” in the number of marriages at the beginning of the Russian invasion of Ukraine in February 2022, the number of marriages declined year after year. “War reinforces all fractures. If the bonds are strong, they do not break, but if there is a fracture, it expands,” Anya says in this book. This conflict also caused immediate decisions to be made with marriages being organized within two hours, which was the license period granted to soldiers.

On the occasion of the 4th anniversary of the Ukraine war, Tuesday, February 24, FRANCE 24 spoke with Marina Komeda about the different forms of showing love and its ability to cross borders and even death.

France 24: What is the fundamental difference you noticed about love before and after the war?

Marina Komeda: I was not in Ukraine when Russia began invading the country on February 24, 2022. I had been living in France for 17 years, I don't know exactly what love relationships were like before the war. I didn't know this until I returned to Ukraine in January 2024, when I started mixing with Ukrainians and talking to them about love and relationships.

Of course, people talk about a change in the shape of their relationships. The most important effect of war is that it snatches the future from you. It is impossible to think about projects and this greatly affects the way people make decisions.

The war in Ukraine seems to have caused a large number of divorces, but it also strengthened some bonds and accelerated the formation of new ones. How do you see it?

That's true in both directions. The number of births decreased because many people left abroad. Fissures have appeared between some couples: one party says, “This marriage no longer meets my aspirations,” and the matter ends in divorce.

But relationships are forming more quickly, especially between soldiers. There is an urgent need for life. The matter is biological, and is linked to hormones and psychological pressure. You can only have one day in three months to spend time in Kiev. This makes you rush to go see an exhibition or go to the cinema, and some may even get married.

Sasha and Victoria are a couple I talked about in my book. They met in Izium in November 2024. He was sent to the front and disappeared there. Victoria hasn't heard from him in six months. She believes he is alive and free. But he could be dead or captured.

Read also: Four years of war: “A Thousand Bites”... The Russian tactic is exhausting the Ukrainian defenses

You also talked about loneliness and the sexuality of soldiers? What did you conclude?

They move more quickly to the point. When you are a soldier, deprived of normalcy, taking a bath or receiving affection, you are upfront about your needs. I met a man on the front whose wife is in Poland. He was looking for experiences: an exhibition, an art concert or a conversation in a bar.

We talked about our lives. I told him I was looking for romantic encounters, while he simply wanted companionship in all the activities he used to engage in before the war.

Andrei is a drone pilot I met in Slovyansk who told you: “The army takes up a big part of you, and the small percentage that you can share with someone else is not enough to build something deep.” Does this mean a widening gap between soldiers and civilians in the future of relations with Ukraine?

Part of the family culture in Ukraine is to protect relatives from the bitter truth. The man will say, "I can't tell my wife about what I'm going through. She doesn't want to know." People will lie to each other, that is, avoid telling the truth to those they love. Men do not tell their women that they are on the front line and believe that no one will be able to understand them except their colleagues.

Anya, struggled to stay happy in her relationship with soldier Tosha. I asked her: “Why don’t you ask him questions?” She replied: “Why should I do that? He used to tell some things about battles, corpses, and raids, and that is already a lot.”

This difference in felt feelings turns into a problem between couples. Today, there are books and video lectures on how to talk to members of the armed forces. The experiences between soldiers and civilians are so different that it is easy to say something hurtful. For example, when a soldier heads out on a mission, people tell him to “take care of yourself.” I prefer it to be said, "Be strong." Since I'm a soldier, I'm not here to protect myself but to accomplish a mission.

Love crosses borders, as your book shows in the story of Russian Lisa and Ukrainian Slava. Why did you choose to talk about their story?

Viewed from France, their story can be interpreted as a bridge between a Russian and a Ukrainian. However, Slava confirms that Lisa is more patriotic (with Ukraine) than him. They had to overcome many administrative obstacles, especially because of Lisa's passport. The couple recently told me they are expecting a baby. Their story was used to show hope, not just tragedy.

Ukrainians also show love through animals rescued in devastated areas. How can this great attachment to stray cats and dogs be explained?

Animals are a source of affection. As Oleksandr says in my book, “If you think that a grown man doesn’t need someone to pat him on the head silently for half an hour, you are wrong.” Animals cover this deficiency. During my military training, I constantly spent time with cats. All people need this dose of oxytocin (a brain hormone associated with many forms of attachment, including love, editor's note).

Dogs can pose a danger on the front line since they can reveal the position of soldiers. As for cats, they can be carried to conflict areas. There are also several stories of men and women who refused to leave their homes near the front because they did not want to abandon their animals.

Love in wartime can take surprising forms, even going beyond death. Can you tell us about Marta’s story and her pregnancy after her husband’s death?

I was preparing a report on assisted reproduction after the death of a husband in Ukraine. I sent a message to a WhatsApp group for widows of soldiers who died in the war. Marta agreed to speak with me and added that it would help her think about how to tell her daughter about the circumstances of her birth.

Marta never stopped talking about love. "I'm doing this out of love, even if I'm afraid," she said. "He wanted a baby so badly, and we would never have gotten the embryos without all that effort." She showed me videos of her husband on the phone. Her daughter clearly had the same eye shape as him. It is a story of childbirth after the death of a husband, but it is a love story above all. Love does not die with death.

This article has been translated from English by Sonia Seznik/Omar Al-Tis

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